Shame isn't serving you 😔

I’ve been listening to Tony Robbin’s acclaimed “Personal Power” tapes during my weekly jogs.

Around 30:28, Tony asks a question that’d stump most parents:

“How long would you give your average baby to learn how to walk before you’d give up on them?”

Confused?

Exactly - most parents would never give up on their child being able to walk.

It’s not a question of if they’ll walk. It’s a question of when.

And yet…

When we set goals for ourselves, we tend to give up the second we don’t see the results we’re looking for.

So why do we treat our goals this way?

Tony explains:

“Adults learn to fear this thing called failure. So if they try something and it doesn’t work, they might try once or twice, but after that they try and slowly leave and not do that anymore, and not play that sport anymore, and not try that anymore. Because they don’t want to not look good - because that would be painful.”

To put it another way...

The pain of not seeing quick wins holds us back from seeing our goals through.

Didn’t gain massive biceps after a week of working out? 💪

"Ugh, I hate feeling weak - how long is this going to take?"

Didn’t land a significant other after 10 dates? ❤️

"Rejection sucks - maybe I’d be better of single."

Didn’t find composing work after a month of trying? 🔎

"I guess I just don’t have what it takes…"

Guess what?

None of those resulting thoughts are true.

(It’s just our brain trying to make us avoid things that are creating short-term pain.)

So for long-term results, we’ve got to see those thoughts for what they really are:

Unhelpful, damaging distractions.

And one of the biggest distractions aspiring creators deal with is shame.

I’ve struggled with staying physically active for most of my life.

Here’s a little overview of the cycle I run into over and over again:

• ✅ Create a solid action plan for exercise + diet
• 🤩 Crush it in the beginning
• 😐 Lose excitement over time
• 😴 Skip at some point
• ❌ Never do it again

For years, that cycle has dominated my relationship with exercise.

But I’m starting to change that.

Want to know how?

There’s lots of psychological shifts that have had to change for me to get to a point where I see exercise as something I look forward to.

But the biggest shift has been the removal of shame as a part of my narrative.

See…

The cycle I experienced happened because when I fell short of my plans, I experienced shame.

The shame I felt would create statements about who I thought I was:

"Gosh, I’m weak!"

"I’m just not a disciplined person."

"Why am I so lazy with this?"

So I'd start to associate feeling weak, undisciplined, and lazy with the action of exercising.

(Not a very strong incentive to exercise, is it?)

So what do we do instead?

Here’s the key:

Recognize that your shame isn't serving you. ❌

Many of us confuse guilt with shame.

But they're not the same.

Guilt often leads us to positive action - not negative.

For example, if you step on someone’s foot...

• The guilt you feel leads you to apologize. (That's good.)
• But the shame you makes you say negative things about yourself. ("God, I'm so clumsy.")

And what good is a thought like that?

Feeling bad about yourself does nothing except keep you held back from being the person you want to be.

Remember:

You aren’t the sum of of your past actions.

Actions are just actions.

But they don’t define who you are, what you deserve, or what you’re capable of.

Learn to let go of your shame.

You’ll find that when you do, you won’t just accomplish more…

You’ll actually have fun doing it. 🙂

👋 Ready for more?

When you're ready, here's 4 ways I can help:

1. 🎥 My YouTube. Watch 350+ videos including music tutorials, career tips, and more.
2. 🗞️ The Newsletter Archive. Read articles from previous weeks of this newsletter.
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That's all for now!

Hit reply to share your thoughts, questions, or just to say hi.

(I love hearing from my readers. 🙂)

Otherwise, happy music-making and I'll see you next Tuesday!

- Zach

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