😨 Is Fear Stopping You From Networking?

(Today’s topic is taken from the Networking module of my Composing Career Bootcamp program. If you want to get paid for your music and are ready to learn some powerful new skills, be sure to check it out!)

I coach hundreds of students in 1:1 sessions, many of whom dream of making music for a living.

But when I ask them what they’ve done to grow their network, the answer is usually cold emails/messages, or nothing. 🤷

We all know that “who you know” is an essential part of getting your foot in the door.

So why don’t we do it?

I recently read “All You Have to Do is Ask” by Wayne Baker, who made some pretty remarkable discoveries when studying why people don’t ask for help.

Here’s four that resonated with me:

#1: 😞 We underestimate people’s willingness to help.

Wayne Baker tested this theory by asking several study participants to ask strangers in New York City if they could borrow their phone to make a call.

On average, it took 2.3 tries before someone said yes. But here’s where it gets really interesting.

Before the start of the experiment, participants were asked how many tries they thought they’d need before they got a “yes”. And people’s guesses were 2-3x higher than how long it actually took them.

It never hurts to try, so always ask before assuming someone will be unwilling to help you in your journey.

#2: 🦸 We over-rely on self-reliance.

Artists take pride in their creations, and business owners take pride in their businesses.

But pride doesn’t help us grow. It inhibits our ability to learn, to change our beliefs, or to adapt our behaviors.

When you look at the most successful artists, business owners, and entrepreneurs, there’s one thing they all have in common:

They all have a great team around them.

The composing industry is no different. So get in the habit of not going it alone, and build a community of confidants around you that can educate, motivate, inspire, and challenge your thinking through your journey.

#3: 👎 We perceive asking for help as weakness.

We get taught to see a lack of knowledge as an indicator of weakness, laziness, or incompetence.

But you might be surprised to discover that the exact opposite is true: those that pose thoughtful questions or requests to others are perceived as both confident and intelligent.

That’s because people who ask for help know what they don’t know, and aren’t afraid to seek that knowledge from someone else.

To break that discomfort, adapt a mindset of curiosity when others speak. Try not to compare yourself to them, but instead ask questions regularly, and get comfortable saying “I don’t know”.

#4: 🤷 We don’t know what to ask for.

Have you ever attended an in-person or online live seminar, masterclass, or Q&A with someone you look up to?

If you’re like me, when the question-and-answer section of the session comes around, your mind goes blank.

That’s because we don’t condition ourselves to actively receive help, even when it’s available and right in front of us.

Start preparing for situations like that by spending 15-20 minutes thinking of at least one good question—something only they could answer, or something that would really move the needle in your career.

Even if you don’t get a chance to ask it, that kind of habit-building makes us more prepared and comfortable to get help from others.